Monday, December 15, 2008


Beth tagged me on this:

I'm supposed to open the closest book to page 56 and write down the 5th sentence and then the next 2 to 5 sentences. Then I have to convince 5 other people to do the same. Unfortunately, the only 5 people I would tag on this have already been listed by everyone else.

I'm pretty embarrassed by the book that I have next to me. It's not hard to see why."Life with my sister Madonna" by Christopher Ciccone is by far one of the weirdest, badly written books I've ever read. But, here goes:

When one of my college buddies invites me to spend part of the summer at her parents' home in Darien, Connecticut, I call Madonna and ask her if I can visit her in Manhatten.

She says yes. Moreover, she will take us out to dinner when we get there.

So, my friend and I arrive at the airport, rent a car, and drive out to Fifty-third Avenue in Queens, right by the World's Fair grounds, and end up at the synagogue, a big, wide-open space, still with religious carvings on the walls, but with clothes and instruments thrown all over the place. The whole thing seems a bit sacriligious to me.

I feel the need to justify why on earth I have this book. I was a huge Madonna freak in the summer of 1990. Well, it continued well into 1993, but then it ended. Thank God.

My roommate at Indiana State University, my sophomore year of college lived in Evansville, Indiana. During the filming of "A League of Their Own", her cousin was Tom Hanks' driver and her aunt drove for Madonna. This roommate - who was an awful, self-centered BITCH, asked me if I wanted to go down for the weekend and be an extra in the movie. (She wasn't such a Bitch for this.)

I, of course, was very excited. I had had for some time, this dream that I would be the first (and only) person to write Madonna's AUTHORIZED biography. On the 2 hour drive from Terre Haute to my Dad's house in Belleville, IL every other weekend, I would zone out and imagine my life as her biographer and confidant. I was such a moron. (g)

Anyhoo, we get to the roommate's mother's house and she promptly tells me that she has to go meet her ex-boyfriend, but will be back shortly. Her mother and I stare at each other like deer in headlights for about 3 minutes, then Mom disappears upstairs to her room.

6 hours later, the Bitch still wasn't back. No phone call, nothing. I fell asleep, comforted by my pending foray into the world of Madonna. At 6am the next morning, the Bitch calls and says that she doesn't feel like being an extra and we should head back to school. Joy.

Now - she did do two things that saved me from kicking her in the shins:

1) She took me to lunch in the car that Madonna rode around in. It was a Lincoln Town car and my ass occupied the same space as Madonna's for about 6 minutes. It's an odd thing to be thrilled about, but I was an idiot.

2) On the way back to school, she drove me past the house that Madonna was renting in McCutchinsville. The house sat down a hill, surrounded by a horse fence. We got out of the car, and while I was completely imagining myself jumping the fence and storming the house to tell Madonna that her Biographer had arrived, a security guard drove from the house to the street to tell us that "She said you have to leave".

I looked back at the house and saw a woman in the window. Guess who it was? Yep. The Material Girl herself.

Well, this had me flying for about a week. All was forgiven with the roommate.

Until she made out with a guy I had been seeing for about a month. In MY dorm bed.



Beth said...

Oh, rofl. Poor Tara. Though I really wish you'd gotten to be an extra because I _loved_ that movie. My daughter loves it, too.

Even if it does have Madonna in it. (g)

Beth said...

Btw -- you tell a good story. Now, can you find a way to use elements of that incident in your book? Not the biography (g) but the thing you're working on. Or are supposed to be working on. [stern look]

Tara Parker said...


I love that movie too. It's one of those that I can watch 100 times. The song in it, "Now and Forever" has always been my song with my two best friends from college.

I did do some work on the forest story Friday night. Sort of. I thought about it a lot and re-read it twice.

I need something that only one person can use that would get two people out of a cave, but if the one that has it dies, the other can't use it and is stuck.

Any thoughts? (g)

Julie Weathers said...

Tara, I love that story about Madonna. I have zero use for her, but it was a fun story on your part. The thing is, these experiences and emotions do make much better writing, I think.

As for being Madonna's biographer, the only bad thing would be to have to work with her.

I can't believe your roommate did that to you. Oink. Oink.

I was asked to do some stunt work in a movie once. I wish I had, but I always had these self-image issues and was sure I would screw it up. Not sure how I could because all they needed was a woman who could ride and fall off a horse and they would teach me how to fall. And, the funny thing is, I fell off horses all the time. I was a wrangler at the time and when someone would cock their finger at one of us and shoot, we found new and dramatic ways to fall off our horses.

Tara Parker said...


I would LOVE to do stunt work. (g)

And, I've got falling off a horse down pat. A friend of mine had an Impressive breed horse aptly named Knothead. I fell (flew) off him twice in 2 weeks. The first time I was unconscious for about 5 minutes and felt grinding in my hip for 3 weeks.

The second time I tried hanging on as he bolted for the barn and had burn marks on my hands for a month!

That horse had the gall to come up both time and nudge my head as I lay on the ground. (g)

Beth said...

Ummm....need more information. In what way are they stuck? A cave-in? Or are they just lost? And do you _want_ one of them to die, leaving the other one stuck?

Ernest de Cugnac said...

Good stuff. I agree. You do tell a good story.

Tara Parker said...

Dear Ernest,

Thank you for your kind words. I just briefly read over a couple of your blog posts and I'm hooked. (g)

I especially enjoyed your post about Hawks and Doves.

Thank you for stopping by!